Those Phrases shared by A Parent Which Saved Me as a New Father

"In my view I was simply just surviving for a year."

One-time reality TV personality Ryan Libbey expected to manage the difficulties of fatherhood.

However the reality soon turned out to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health issues around the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was pushed into becoming her main carer in addition to looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I took on every night time, every nappy change… every walk. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his own dad, on a park bench, that made him realise he required support.

The simple words "You aren't in a good place. You require some help. In what way can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and start recovering.

His story is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. While society is now more comfortable talking about the pressure on mothers and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties new fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his challenges are linked to a wider failure to talk among men, who continue to absorb damaging notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and stays upright every time."

"It isn't a show of failure to seek help. I didn't do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not justified to be seeking help" - most notably ahead of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental health is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the opportunity to request a break - taking a few days away, away from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he had to make a change to focus on his and his partner's feelings in addition to the practical tasks of taking care of a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotion and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have stable male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, profound trauma meant his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says bottling up emotions resulted in him make "poor decisions" when in his youth to modify how he felt, turning in substance use as an escape from the anguish.

"You turn to substances that don't help," he says. "They can short-term modify how you feel, but they will in the end make things worse."

Tips for Getting By as a New Father

• Talk to someone - when you are overwhelmed, speak to a friend, your spouse or a therapist how you're feeling. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the pursuits that allowed you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. This might be playing sport, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical health - nutritious food, getting some exercise and if you can, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is faring.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - listening to their stories, the difficult parts, and also the positive moments, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that asking for help is not failure - taking care of your own well-being is the most effective way you can care for your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead offer the security and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the frustrations in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their issues, transformed how they talk, and taught themselves to control themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, at times I think my role is to guide and direct you how to behave, but actually, it's a exchange. I'm learning just as much as you are through this experience."