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Being a homosexual male approaching 50, my life has involved many, mostly enjoyable years engaging in casual sex with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I was in a serious relationship which continued for four years, however it never fully satisfied me, in that I felt neither loved or intimately fulfilled. The fact is that my constant desire has been for casual sex. Every time I begin seeing a potential partner, when the initial excitement fades, an impulse arises to be intimate with new partners once more.

Reflecting on the Feasibility of Monogamy

I am now wondering if I’ll ever be able to maintain a faithful partnership. I'm aware that many homosexual males engage in open relationships, yet when I’ve witnessed them, they appear demanding, often causing lots of heartache and envy among all parties. In many ways, I want a partner to love me while allowing me to pursue other intimacies, but I dread to imagine the emotional drain this would cause. Should I just keep having spontaneous encounters and acknowledge that a lasting partnership may be unattainable? I’m feeling somewhat confused.

Every person’s intimate path varies. Try not to think of your relationship needs or your capacity to tolerate various forms of intimate connections as fixed. What you need in your current state could easily shift in the future; eventually you might become less ambivalent and find greater understanding and a suitable route … or not. One day you might meet a person offering a transformative opportunity to you by reflecting your desires in a holistic fashion … and later on you may choose that casual connections are best for you. Fretting over the future and engaging in endless speculation is merely anxiety-based and squandering of your efforts. Aim to stay present with your partners, and see the value of every individual you connect with intimately an intimate bond. If and when the time is right to strengthen true intimacy with a single person, it will be clear.

• The psychotherapist practices as a American therapy professional focusing on treating sexual disorders.